Message from Michele

I will be posting information to you all in regards to how you can have a copy of Alex's video from his visitation and/or his funeral, up on his website very soon!   I want to apologize for the long delay!  They will be available to you very soon!!!  Please keep checking back to the website!!!

In case you did not know this, but - Casting Crowns who wrote and performs the song "Praise you in a Storm" and Mark Shultz who sings "He's my Son" will be at Life Light Festival in Sioux Falls!

Many Blessings to you all!
Michele

I want to thank all of you who came to the visitation and funeral and who sent flowers, memorials and well wishes.  And to each of you who so faithfully traveled this journey with Alex and myself.  We have now parted ways and both of us are embarking on new journey's.  Mine here, Alex's with our heavenly Father in a new and wonderful place.  I imagine him playing with the small children, driving his car on streets paved in gold and getting into mischief with Jodie.  He is no longer in pain and can communicate freely once again.  Although miss him dearly and my heart aches and has a huge hole that will never be filled, I am forever grateful for having been Alex's mother.  I told Norm this morning if God had come to me and told me I could have this wonderful child who would make me laugh and make me cry and make me so very proud, who would love me and be loved, who's very presence and smile would light up a room - but I could only have him for 23 years, I would do it again in a heartbeat.  I am a much richer person for having had Alex in my life and I can honestly say there are others who can make this same claim.  He is and will always be my hero.  My Alexander the Great. 

If you attended Alex's funeral, you know the story of the rainbow.  As you know, I made Alex promise to never give up fighting.  However, there came a time when I knew Alex was not going to beat this disease and that he would need to give up.  I had told him many times that if Jesus called his name or the angels came to take him to Jesus to not be afraid and to go.  I also asked him if he could please send me a sign to let me know he was ok.  Alex died at 3:00 in the morning.  After everything had calmed down, Norm and I went to the bedroom for some alone time.  It was about 5:55 when my sister Kaye came in and said, "you have to see this!"  It was light out but the sun wasn't out, in fact on checking the time of the sunrise, it would have just barely broke the horizon. It was a cloudy morning but it hadn't rained, yet in the sky was the most beautiful, perfect rainbow I had ever seen.  A rainbow - God's promise!!  What cou ld be more perfect to let me know he was ok.  I can't wait for the day I will see his face again. As the song says, "By God's grace, there's a place, where we'll see his face again!!"  I can't say I've ever really been afraid of dying, but Alex taught me there is nothing to be afraid of.  I know we'll be together again - by God's grace.  In heaven.  I can't wait!

I wanted to share the letter and poem Brianna wrote for her brother and read at his funeral. 

Dear Big Al,

     I'm always going to miss you!  And the way you use to pick on me, I guess.  I am never going to forget all the good times we had.  Do you remember when we went to Ruby Tuesday's for lunch?  You, me, Kayla and Becca - right after you got burned?  You were really out of it on all of your meds and were dancing and singing to the music over the loud speakers.  You embarrassed me and Becca so much that we had to hide behind the menus.  And then you know when the waiter tells you their name and if you need anything just to yell?  Well, he got like 5 feet away and you yelled his name.  He comes back and asks if you need anything and you gave him that little "you know what" grin and said "nothing."  We all laughed so hard that we about fell out of the booth.  Another time I remember was when we were in the car before you dropped me off at cheer practice and the song "Girls" came on the radio and you started singing like you were a girl and then 2 seconds later you turned the station because you thought that song was stupid.   I know you are in a better place now.  You are pain free and no longer suffering.  I know it hurts and it always will but I know no matter what happens you will always be here for me.  You are my big brother, best friend and buddy.  My love for you will never end.  I have so many good memories that I will cherish for life.  I thought we would have more time, I didn't think it would end so soon.  I love you and miss you with all of my heart and with all that I am.  Losing you is the hardest thing that I have ever had to deal with in my life.  It is something that I never thought would happen.  You were funny, intelligent, thoughtful, giving and understanding.  You were an inspiration in my life.  I may have lost one brother but gained many, many more because of you.   I love you, Big Al and miss you each and every day.  There is not a minute that goes by that you are not in my thoughts.  And with all of the wonderful things you taught me, you still live through me in everything I do.  You will always be my one and only big brother.  I love you and goodbye!

Love you buddy,
Shorty

The poem Brianna put together for Alex that she also read at the funeral.

Big Al's Poem

You truly were an angel

Sent from God in heaven above

Your death just broke the hearts of everyone you loved

When I found out you were going to die

I thought they were wrong

You were so alive and now

You are gone

A flame blown out

Confirming my worst fears

A light that shines no more on earth

For which we shed many tears

But still you are my beacon

And I need you right now

You hear all the prayers I say

Because they are answered somehow

I wish that you could be here

But in a way you are

Your symbol of a dragonfly goes everywhere with me

So I  know you can't be far

It still is quite a shock to me

That you had to die

But no one will forget you

I love you and goodbye!

The days are extremely difficult for me right now.  I've found I don't like to be alone.  The kids are all heading back to California tomorrow (Sunday) - it's going to be quiet around here.  Not a minute goes by that I don't think about Alex and I still can't believe he's gone.  Bri wouldn't let Norm shut off Alex's cell phone just yet, I'm grateful for that as I still call his number just to hear his voice. I will keep all of his friends close to my heart forever.  They have all become part of our family and are helping to fill the hole in my heart.  Bri's busy summer schedule with ski show practice, dance and cheer will keep me on my toes but I still worry about down time.  Alex had become such a big part of my daily schedule that I'm really having trouble adjusting to not having him here.  Many of you have asked me to keep the journal going.  I may for a while.  I'm tossing around plans of starting a foundation in Alex's honor - it would be geared to helping families of children with brain tumors.  I will post my thoughts on the website in the near future. Norm and I are also planning on starting on our new home soon.  I knew God had a reason for us not finding something sooner, I'm not sure I would have wanted to go back to any other place knowing Alex wasn't coming with us.  I know he will always be with us in spirit and is now my guardian angel.

I still BELEIVE in miracles.  They are still happening around me every day.  I know God answered my prayers, maybe not like I wanted but he has His reasons and someday I will learn them.  I thank God for my family, friends and even the strangers whose words and deeds have made most days easier. I will survive.  I will endure - through FAITH!!!

God Bless,  Kelly

SUNDAY, MAY 21, 2006

 

SATURDAY, MAY 20, 2006

An Angels Poem (for Alex)

By and by we sit beside and watch in quiet grief.
No words to pass our now dry lips no phrase to be relief.

By bedside we sit, and shed our tears, in long and wasting hours
This life so pained, our hearts are strained, emotions run like showers.

All who stay know in our hearts that the time will soon come.
Gladness creeps into our souls knowing he’ll soon be home.

Free from pain and free from loss and other worldly things.
Smile a little and have faith in God knowing Alex will soon have wings.

By Fawn Dayle

THURSDAY, MAY 18, 2006

Another bad day.  Alex hasn't eaten in days and his breathing is very labored. I know his time here on earth with us is very limited.  Although I will never, ever give up hope, my hope now is that Alex be pain free and happy, that he laugh and smile and talk and drive his car again.  That he can hang out with his friends in heaven as he so loved to do here on earth.  His soul's purpose on this earth has been fulfilled and his time to be with our Heavenly Father has come.  God's plan.  Not mine!

Alex and I would talk about what we were going to do when he got better.  Our first plan was to go to Vegas together.  We figured the odds were in our favor there since life had handed us both rare diseases - what are those odds? Then we would take the whole family to Australia (providing we didn't lose everything in Vegas!)  Alex always wanted to go to Australia.  Between his Freshman and Sophomore year in high school, Alex went to England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales with the People to People Ambassadorship program.  The next year the program when to Australia and New Zealand.  He was so disappointed because that's where he really wanted to go but I wouldn't let him go then - so he had dreams of going now.  Alex had dreams of finishing school, getting started in a career with Norm, getting married and having children.  My dreams were coming true.  My son had moved back home and wanted to settle down here.  We would have holiday and birthday celebrations together.  I would have grandchildren.  I imagined him dropping them off with Norm and I for the weekend while him and his wife spent some time together.  Norm and I would go watch them in their school functions and sporting events.  Normal stuff really - stuff I dreamed for as a mother.  Stuff I dreamed, hoped and wished for for my son. 

Alex's life has been cut short in our eyes.  But in God's eyes, I believe Alex's life was simply perfect.  His life was long enough for him to accomplish his soul's purpose and goals - whatever they may be.  Maybe someday I will know them, figure them out, understand them.  Maybe not.  I know my son touched many lives in 23 years.  I know mostly of the good, but I'm sure there were some bad.  He isn't perfect.  He got into his fair share of trouble over the years.  And he could get mad at times.  He is human.  But he has a huge heart and a smile to match.  If you know him at all, you know how very, very difficult it is to ever be mad (or should I say stay mad) at him.  He has a way of making you laugh or smile - even when you are trying hard to be mad.  He is a very loyal friend from what I'm told. Standing by his friends no matter what. And he has the most wonderful friends. I feel blessed to have them in my life.  I pray each of them will be in my life forever.  I may be losing a son, but in many ways I'm gaining several. 

BELIEVE, BELIEVE, BELIEVE in Miracles!!

BELIEVE!

Keep praying and hoping!!  God bless and BELIEVE !!

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL MOM'S OUT THERE!

FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, MIRACLES

BELIEVE 

Miracles are happening.

KEEP BELIEVING!

TUESDAY, MAY 9, 2006

Alex had a good morning and afternoon. After breakfast and lunch, he hung out listening to songs on the ipod while I chatted with visitors. However, late in the afternoon he became very agitated and we had to give him morphine - he's been sleeping since. All in all it was a good day. I love good days!!

Almost every single visitor commented today about how good Alex looked. And, as I mentioned, he had a good day. In some ways, this scared me. You always hear about people getting a burst of energy just before they pass. It's even written about in the books hospice gave us. I don't want anyone to feel bad about saying it - I thought it too. His color was better, his blood pressure was good (way down from last week), he was coherent - he was having a good day - that's all!!!!!

The hospice nurse visited today. Not much to report except that we were able to get Alex a nebulizer for his breathing. He's been a little congested and having trouble coughing. I was a little surprised that they would allow him to have that since they don't allow much other than things that will keep the patient comfortable. However, by the time we obtained the machine and med's, Alex was asleep so we haven't had the opportunity to use it. In fact, the more I think about it the more I'm unsure how/if he's going to be able to use it. I'll let you know how that turns out tomorrow.

More than anything else in tonight's journaling, I want to thank all of you - especially those of you I don't know - for the countless e-mails and messages (isn't technology a wonderful thing?) I can't even begin to tell you how much they mean to me. The words of encouragement, the stories, the thoughts and prayers - WOW. I'm not usually very good at asking for things (but I love to check every day to see who has written me an e-mail or message) but I will ask that you keep them coming. There have been so many times I have felt really down, alone or lost or just needed someone else's input or thoughts and the absolute perfect message at the absolute perfect time will come my way (hmmmmm imagine that - must be a God thing!) Occasionally, I read them to Alex too. Especially the ones for him. I'm not sure how much of them he can comprehend but because I don't know I will continue to read them to him. The many lives he (we) have touched during this journey is overwhelming and comforting to me. As I've mentioned before, I will not let this be in vain. As I tried to teach my children as they were growing up - something good always comes from something bad - sometimes it's hard to see and we really have to look to find it but I believe it's always there. There is good. I've already seen it.

I thank God for Alex, for the love of my family and friends and for all I have and all that is yet to be. I am truly blessed. He is truly an awesome GOD!!!

GOD BLESS and BELIEVE!!

SATURDAY, MAY 6, 2006

After last nights morphine, Alex slept most of today. He was awake in the late afternoon for a little while. He still has an IV so he is staying hydrated but he is losing weight, he hasn't eaten much the past three days. I know that not eating is another sign that things are progressing. Alex is unresponsive quite a bit of the time but when we had a few moments alone this evening I told him I was worried about him. I asked him if he was giving up and he responded by shaking his head no - I told him he needed to eat to keep his strength up and he agreed to have dinner. He ate quite a bit actually. He drifts in and out of sleep when not medicated. Communication is becoming more difficult and I worry he won't be able to tell me if he's in pain. I'm amazed by the little pain he has had. I can't imagine a tumor growing so rapidly in your brain and not having excruciating headaches. I'm grateful that he isn't though. It's hard enough seeing him like this let alone having him be in terrible pain.

Our family continues to pull together becoming closer every day. There are times when I wonder if Alex is waiting, hanging on for a reason. Waiting for that certain something to happen. I'm not sure what it is. I will not let this journey, no matter the outcome, be in vain. Alex's life has a purpose, a meaning. He is one incredible young man. He is a caregiver, matchmaker, loving brother and son. If you don't know him, his smile, down to earth demeanor, hugs and funny, funny sense of humor were contagious. Even when I tried to be mad at him it was difficult. He always had a way to make me smile. His hugs were endless. Even when he was away in the Air Force, him and I talked on the phone 3 or 4 times a day. I can't imagine my life without him in it. My Alexander the Great!!!

As always, I ask that you continue to keep Alex in your prayers. I still pray for healing and for that miracle. I thank God for the kindness of friends, family and strangers alike. I know prayers are being said for Alex around the world! WOW - how incredible is that. Miracles are happening every day. Alex's miracle will happen too!!

DON'T FORGET TO BELIEVE!

PRAY, FAITH, HOPE, LOVE, AND BELIEVE 

IN MIRACLES!

THURSDAY, MAY 4, 2006 .... 11:04pm

Alex seems to be slipping into a coma. He has only opened his eyes briefly today. I was there and able to talk to him and even get a couple of kisses. I take comfort in the fact that he isn't suffering. There have been no or strokes. He looks so peaceful. Comforting but scary all the same. I fear it won't be long now. Our time together here on earth shall pass, but we will be together again - God has promised!

I struggle to find that peace that passes understanding. With God's help, I know I will. Although the "why's" still flood my mind, I realize it doesn't matter. Even if I knew why all of this was happening, it wouldn't take away the pain. A pain that penetrates the very heart of my soul. A pain unlike any I have ever known or ever hope to know again. As many of you have reiterated in your e-mails, I know many miracles have already happened. And they have been good. God has answered my prayers, just not in the way I had hoped. Life will go on. Although right now it's difficult to imagine.

Thank you all for the words of encouragement, the dinners, the visits, and especially the thoughts and prayers. I will continue to journal. Some days are kind of hectic here and time seems not to allow but I will do my best. The continued support from friends, family and strangers alike is overwhelming, comforting and truly a testament to God's love surrounding us. I want to especially thank my cousin, Dene', who traveled from Oregon to spend a few days with us and Michele who has been helping me compile photo's and videos and also helping with Alex. There are so many of you I want to thank. Thanks for the meals, thank you to Ralynn and Rev Kev for their loving attention. The e-mails and messages of encouraging words from all of you mean more than you could possibly know. From the bottom of a mother's heart - THANK YOU. Words cannot express my deepest appreciation.

I ask that you continue to keep Alex in your prayers. I will continue to be hopeful to the very end. Never lose hope, never lose faith. I want to share with you the scripture I read to Alex in the hospital at Duke. I chose it because Alex was born on the 27th - it turned out to be perfect. 

Thank you to Megan for typing the Psalm for me.

Keep praying and BELIEVING! GOD IS LISTENING!

GOD BLESS AND NEVER, EVER STOP BELIEVING!

SATURDAY, APRIL 29, 2006

Each day I go through the motions of caring for Alex, praying everyday that tomorrow will be better and soon he will be talking and laughing with all of us once again. I dream of the morning I will look into his beautiful eyes and he will say "good morning, Mom." I know Alex is getting weaker everyday, but I'm not giving up. I can't. I promised Alex. I wouldn't give up even if I hadn't promised him. I smile, laugh and talk with family and visitors. I try to put on my "brave face" for Alex, for everyone, but it's getting harder every day. I want to face the reality of the situation but refuse to allow myself to do so because any negative thoughts may not allow the miracle to happen. I continue to BELIEVE in that miracle. I can't bear to think of life with out Alex, I can't imagine it. Yet, I hate to see him like this. Totally helpless, somewhat degraded, relying on everyone for everything. Being unable to walk, talk, feed himself. I ask myself how he would feel about this and although I think I know the answer, I can't let him go. Cancer sucks! He didn't choose this - it chose him. I ask myself, "why this, why brain cancer?" Maybe in some ways it's easier as he doesn't realize everything that is going on around him. But I do. I know. I pray that tonight will be the night my prayers get through. God has a plan. I know that. But I struggle with the logistics. Why? I don't understand. I'm trying, but I'm not there yet. I trust God. But I'm hurting and I don't like it.

Alex still understands and answers questions. Not all the time, but when he can he tells us he's still fighting. The other day he wouldn't open his mouth to eat and my heart went into my throat. My fear was he was giving up. I asked and he just stared. It scared me. He was fine a little while later but I did have to remind him that if the time came that he just couldn't fight anymore that it was ok. If Jesus calls his name, it's ok to go with him. It's hard to tell your child that yet comforting in the same sense. Comforting to know that he is a child of God and that he knows it.

Please continue to pray for a miracle for Alex. He's already gone two weeks past the doctor's prediction. I thank God! Miracles happen - if we BELIEVE!!!!!

FRIDAY, APRIL 28, 2006

Alex actually slept 10 hours last night. He was probably exhausted from lack of sleep and really needed the rest, nonetheless, I've been told sleeping more is a sign things are coming closer to the end. (Keep in mind, Alex is in hospice which is geared toward end of life.) So, as you can imagine, the sleeping bothered me even though I, myself, needed the extra badly. I was quite concerned this morning after Alex woke up because he wasn't responding to my questions. It takes him a while to wake up but I can usually get him to shake his head yes or no in response to whatever I may be asking. I was getting a bit frustrated with him when all of the sudden I realized he hadn't really moved in 10 hours. I then asked him if his neck was stiff and it hurt to move it, if so, blink your eyes. He blinked away. I felt so bad. He's been having a great deal of trouble holding his head up and moving it around. The hospice nurse said it was from the tumor and there wasn't much we could do about it except perhaps stand on the other side of the bed in order to get him to look in both directions. After his shower and a neck massage from Fawn, he was doing much better. Other than that, when he was awake, there was really no change in his condition.

Since Alex was napping and Nurse Norm was on duty, I took the opportunity to pick Brianna up from school so I could spend some time with her. It's hard for me to leave, but I know it's important to spend time with her too. She's been such a trooper through all of this. Putting on her "brave face" and even taking time from her busy teenage schedule to just sit with her brother. She's had a tough year and managed to keep her grades up and continue her activities. I've done my best to keep her life as "normal" as possible. Alex was diagnosed with all of this on her second day of high school (her freshman year) - as if that's not hard enough she's had all of this to contend with too. Bless her heart, I love her so much.

Nicole, Chris and Fawn have been fabulous. Things with Alex are in a day by day pattern and it's so hard to know what to do. Chris is taking the whole term off school. He was scheduled to graduate in December, but it now looks like March. Nicole just took a quick trip back to California to square some things away and is here indefinitely. Although we have struggled through the years as a blended family, I can truly say we have pulled together and that our children understand the importance of family, friends and church in a time of need. We are learning to put trivial things aside and be there for one another and for Alex.

As I said yesterday, Alex's conditioned hasn't improved much, but it hasn't gotten any worse either. Sometimes we have to experience the worst before things get better. I continue to pray that's what Alex is going through. Since he's no longer receiving chemo or any other treatments, I can only believe that all our prayers and the grace of God is what is seeing him through each day. Each day is a gift from God and I praise him for it!!

Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers!! His miracle will happen!

God Bless and BELIEVE!!

---

THURSDAY, APRIL 27, 2006

Alex remains stable. He really hasn't gotten any better, but he hasn't gotten any worse either. Family and friends continue to visit. The support means so much to me, I know it does to Alex too. He enjoys the company. Alex still isn't sleeping much which means nights are short for Norm and I. I really don't mind. I'll stay up forever if I have to.

My thoughts continue to go to the miracle stories of those who are given up on by doctors and turn around and make a full recovery. It happens. Miracles happen. Our God is a God of miracles. Alex is and always has been a child of God and he is in God's hands now. I will continue to ask God for a miracle and for guidance to make the best decisions on Alex's behalf.

I don't think there is any way we can repay Roy and Suzie for their kindness and generosity in opening their home to us. It is really a wonderful thing. I thank God for them. I always tried to teach Alex the importance of family. I know he understands now.

Alex and I rarely ended a phone call (or departed company) without telling each other we love each other. (He even put a PS... in a letter he wrote to Tara when he was in basic training - "If you see my mom, tell her I love her." I truly am the lucky one, I got to be Alex's mother. Life is precious and none of knows which day will be our last, if I could give anyone advice (I know, here I go again!) take it from Alex and I - always be sure to say "I love you" - everyday - at the end of every phone call - every time you part company! Trust me - it's worth the 3 seconds it takes!

I also ask that you continue to keep Alex in your prayers. There is power in numbers. How can God refuse all of us? I know he is listening. I know he has great things planned for Alex. Our Alexander the Great!!!

God Bless and remember to BELIEVE!! God heals! God is Great!!

FAITH,  HOPE, LOVE!

---

TUESDAY, APRIL 25, 2006

My update will be brief tonight as I'm exhausted. Alex continues to be stable, but he isn't sleeping much. I refuse to let him lay awake in a dark room, so if he's awake, either Norm or myself or both of us stay up with him. He was up for 18 hours straight today before taking a short nap. (He was up for the day at 3:00 a.m.) It's currently 11:45 p.m. and he's still awake. The work, stress and lack of sleep can take it's toll on a caregiver. Family and friends have been so supportive. Some days I'm overwhelmed by the kind wishes and deeds and also by the stress and work.

I don't allow myself negative thoughts and continue to pray for a miracle!! Please keep praying too!
BELIEVE - I know miracles happen! Alex's miracle!

GOD BLESS

WHAT CANCER CAN'T DO:
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter faith
It cannot corrode hope
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit

(Thanks, Heather, for sending this to me!)

---

MONDAY, APRIL 24, 2006 (Happy (belated - it was yesterday) 6th Birthday, Brielle!!)

It's Monday a.m. Norm just ran Nicole to the airport, she's going back to California for a few days to take care of some things. She will return on Friday. Chris's girlfriend, Fawn, flew in last week (from California) to be with us. After breakfast and showering, Alex is napping right now (which is good as he doesn't sleep much). He remains stable. He has good days and bad (don't we all?!) Amazingly enough, in the week we have been here, Alex has only had to have pain medication for a headache one time. He continues to fight - his will to live is so strong. He whispers occasional words now and then, but for the most part, he doesn't talk much. He continues to communicate with his hands and body language. He agrees the most frustrating thing for him right now is not being able to talk.

Although unable to speak, Alex continues to teach all of us so much. His strength and courage are truly inspiring. As a family, we are learning to not sweat the small stuff (something I realized a while ago.) I know I mentioned this some time ago in my journaling but I think it bears repeating. Things that at another time of my life would have seemed huge seem so minor to me at this time. I ask all of you to remember to enjoy friends and family every day. Time is precious. I thank God for each and every day. Alex's friend T-roy, who flew home from Florida had to return on Saturday. Alex's friend, Callen, who is in the military and in Virginia right now, was able to make it back this weekend for a very short visit. And his friends who live near continue to travel out to see him on a regular basis. The lengths some of these kids (still kids to me!) have taken to be by his side shows me what a true and loving friend Alex was and is to them. My heart warms (and breaks) when I see them at his bedside. I love hearing all the stories (most good, of course) about the life he so fully lived. I'm so glad Alex was able to experience love and happiness during the past 23 years and my hope and prayers are he will for 50 or more!! I continue to pray for and believe in miracles. I believe with all my heart it can happen and will never give up. Alex continues to give 100% and I believe this "will to live" can also cure him. God created an amazing thing when he created the human body. With positive thoughts and continuous prayers, healing can happen. Healing can take many forms, healing of body and healing of relationships. Both are my wishes for my family.

I want to take time to thank Pastor Kevin (aka Rev Kev), Ralynn, and our entire church family at the Celebration in Brandon. I can't even imagine going through this without them. They are all so amazing. We continue to get meals brought to the home we are staying at every day (and they have all been - in Alex's own words - FABULOUS!) Thoughts, prayers, messages and cards are never ending. God truly gave us the best when we became part of the Celebration!! THANK YOU ALL!!

I know many of you have been checking for updates regularly and I've gotten a little slack at getting my journaling done. I will definitely try to do better.

Alex is hanging in there - thanks to all of you for hanging in there with him. Prayers are powerful - God is listening!!

Together in Christ, Kelly

---

THURSDAY, APRIL 20, 2006

I was able to check my e-mail today for the first time in over two weeks.  Although I could not respond to each and every one of them, please know that all were read through tears and with gratitude for the tremendous support from friends, family and strangers alike during this very trying time.  Another example of God's love wrapping it's arms around me when I need it most.

Alex remains stable.  He isn't sleeping much (probably due to the steroid - Decadron) and this stresses Nurse Norm (as he has been dubbed!) out a great deal.  As for me, I don't mind.  Although I know Alex needs his rest to keep his strength up, I worry each time he closes his eyes.  However, with each passing day, I get more hopeful.  I'm not sure the value of time there is in an "or so" (as in the doctor from Duke's statement "a week or so") but I'm hoping it means approximately 70 years - or so!  I can't imagine life without my son.  In yesterday's journaling, I mentioned how he has felt like he's needed to take care of me.  I remember an incident right after his father and I had split up and I was sitting on the floor crying, Alex was 2. He came over and wrapped his little arms around me and told me "it's ok mommy."   From that day on, he's been my protector.  I only wish I could have protected him better.  I wish I could just wrap my arms around him and tell him "it's ok."  But it's not ok.  The "what if's" continue to flood my mind.  I can't change the past, only pray for a miracle for the future.  I can't understand the past, but I can put the future in God's hands - which is where it is.  I know God is listening to the countless prayers on Alex's behalf.  I know Alex's miracle will happen - I just need to BELIEVE!!  He is, after all, still with us - and hanging on.  Saturday will be two weeks!!

Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers.  Have faith and believe!  God, the Great Physician - heals.  Pray for healing for Alex!!

God Bless - hugs and prayers, Kelly

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WEDNESDAY, APRIL 19, 2006   ( HAPPY BIRTHDAY SUZIE!)

Alex has left the hospital and we are now at Roy (Norm's brother) and Suzie's home. (Word's cannot express my deep gratitude and appreciation to them for opening up there home to us at this time. Come to think of it, this isn't the first time we've moved in with them! Thank you from the bottom of our hearts!!) Hospice has provided us with a hospital bed, wheelchair and everything we need to take care of Alex. Company is still welcome, although Alex did indicate at times it's a bit much. So if we feel he's overwhelmed, we will ask you make your visit brief. Being in a home environment, there is a lot of family to visit with if Alex isn't feeling up to it you can visit with us. If you'd like to see Alex and need directions, please contact one of our cell phones or drop an e-mail to Alex's e-mail account and we'll send you directions.

I will admit, I was a little worried about leaving the hospital but the hospice nurse showed Norm how to handle the IV and meds and he's been here the whole time and doing a fabulous job - so I'm much more relaxed. It is really nice to be out of the hospital. Our church family (the Celebration United Methodist Church in Brandon) is providing us with daily meals. God is truly with us.

Alex is also still with us and because of this, I continue to believe he can beat this. Miracles happen every day. I will never give up hope. When Alex first became ill, we made a promise to each other to never, ever give up trying to beat this. I didn't realize how that promise would impact the way things are now. I continue to encourage him to fight, but have told him that if he can't fight anymore and hears Jesus calling his name, that it is ok to go and not be afraid and that I will be ok. I fear he may hold on for me. Alex's father and I were divorced when he was two and although Norm came into our lives a short time after, Alex has always felt the need to take care of me. He's always been pretty protective of me. I am so thankful for the close and loving relationship we have always shared. Because of this, I fear he may hang on because of me and the promise he made to me. I believe in miracles, I believe he can still beat this so I don't want him to stop fighting but I know he doesn't want to live like this either. It's so hard to know what to do or say. I pray for guidance.

Today has actually been a pretty good day. As I'm typing this, he's still managing to pick on his sister. To see the two of them interacting, fills my heart with joy. Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers. I truly believe in the power of prayer and am overwhelmed at the number of you praying for Alex and asking others to keep him in their prayers too - THANK YOU. God is good. He is listening. Miracles are happening!

God Bless and remember to BELIEVE.

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MONDAY, APRIL 17, 2006

It's me, Kelly. I'm taking a brief moment while Alex is napping to finally update the website. I want to thank all of you who so diligently continue to monitor Alex's progress through this website and hold him in your prayers. My apologies for not journaling in a while, but thank you, thank you, thank you to Michele for keeping the site updated for me during this difficult time.

Alex is stable right now. We haven't noticed any drastic improvement and although he has gone past the week (maybe the ''or so'' also) that the doctors at Duke predicted, we are still taking one day at a time. He seems to recognize most everyone who has come to see him. It's difficult to know if he comprehends everything that is going on. Early morning seems to be his best time of day and luckily a time when I've been able to capture a few special moments of alone time with him. I've received a number of tight squeezes and I love you's. Each time is precious as I'm never sure when it could be the last.

Alex has times he doesn't seem to recognize anyone and doesn't respond. This could be a sign the tumor is progressing. But then he will come back around and although he doesn't speak (other than an occasional word(s) here or there) - he communicates clearly with his hands, shoulders and eyes. Dr. Keppen has indicated that the IV fluids and Decadron (steroids) are really keeping him going and that there will come a time when we need to make a decision about continuing their use. We have also discussed the possibility of moving him from the hospital to Roy (Norm's brother) and Suzie's home. We would be able to continue all the same treatment, but it would be in a home setting. I can't begin to express my gratitude to them for offering us their home at a time when we really don't have one. We are going to reevaluate Alex's condition in the morning and make a decision then. I will be sure to update the website as soon as we decide. Visitors will still be welcome and directions will be available.

As I'm sure all of you can imagine, this is a very difficult time for all of us. If you try to reach me by cell and I don't respond, please understand it just may not be a good time. Should we move Alex to Roy and Suzie's, I will have better access to a computer and try to update the journal on a more regular basis in order to keep everyone informed.

The continued support of our church, friends and family have been a true blessing. I know God has been with us every step of this journey and I continue to hold out for a miracle. I know it can happen - Alex's miracle. Please keep praying, pray hard!! FAITH, HOPE, LOVE and BELIEVE!!

GOD BLESS,

Hugs and Love, Kelly

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SATURDAY, APRIL 15, 2006

Thank you to everyone who went to the vigil.  Kelly and her family did attend, and were overwhelmed and so thankful for each of your notes you left and most of all your prayers!  The family appreciates all that everyone has done for them!  Thank you Raylynn, Pastor Kevin and all those that came in for the 24 hour prayer vigil!  You are wonderful people!

Norm just called and asked for me to post that Alex's condition remains the same.  God is listening and miracles can happen!!  

I wish everyone a very Blessed Easter! 
:) Michele Smykle

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THURSDAY, APRIL 13, 2006 .. 11:45pm

Kelly has asked me to put an update up for her tonight.  She is pretty tuckered out and is going to try to get some rest.  But she will try to journal tomorrow.

Alex had another great day!  Today something really exciting and very special happened.   Norm's brother Roy and his wife Suzie fixed Al's car up, washed it up and drove it up to the hospital.  Norm and Kelly wheeled Alex outside with his wonderful family and friends right behind him to see his car.  This was such a special moment (thanks you guys for letting me take part of this!)  My sister Kristen was there to catch it all on camera! She also took a bunch of other great shots so once she gets them all downloaded, I will post them up on the website!    

These are all photos I took today.  There are few more of my photos on the photo gallery,  click here

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I want to share with you what my sister saw today.....  One of his friends was leaving, and as she was walking towards the door she said "Alex I love you" and puckered up her lips and sent a smooch in the air - Alex was looking right at her, puckered up his lips and sent a smooch right back at her!    Alex is still with us !!!!!  I believe in Miracles and I believe that Easter also brings "new beginnings!"  Christ paid the biggest sacrifice ever, all for us!  He loves us so much!! 

Tonight Kelly's church had a beautiful prayer vigil for Alex.  Those who were not able to make it to the vigil,  God is also listening to you!  Prayer is so powerful!  Please continue to pray hard for his healing touch upon Alex, pray for strength, pray for hope and most of all, pray for his miracle on Alex!!!!  

I also ask that you pray for Kelly, Norm, Tim and the rest of their family and friends who have been at his bedside! Please pray for their strength.   I am so thankful that he has such a loving support system!  The love that they have for him and each other is so strong!!!  You all are wonderful and Alex is very lucky to have each and everyone of you!!!!!! 

We will keep all of you posted on Alex's progress - I also want to take this time to THANK YOU ALL for checking his website so faithfully!  I am overwhelmed by the hundred's of hits he gets a day!!!  You are all a blessing to Alex!

God's blessings to you all!
Michele

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THURSDAY, APRIL 13, 2006

Alex is in Sioux Valley Hospital (inpatient) Hospice. The steady stream of friends and family are truly a testament to a young man who has touched many lives in a short time. I cannot find the words to describe my feelings. There is a hole forming in my heart that will never be filled.

Yesterday when Dr. Keppen stopped by to see Alex he was surprised. He said Duke had painted a picture of a much sicker young man. (He seemed worse when we were there - either he's better because he's home or the decadron has reduced some of the swelling.) He said we may have to extend our plan. I know Alex is not ready to die. He wants to fight this and continue with more chemo. Both Duke and Dr. Keppen said there are limited choices at this point and really aren't encouraging it. Yet, how do we make that decision when Alex told us he wants to keep fighting? What if something else would work? It's so hard to know what to do. Right now we are taking a day at a time.

Alex cannot walk and eats with assistance. Although he speaks few words, his eyes and actions speak volumes. He still has his sense of humor. He seems to recognize most everyone who has come to see him. The goal here is to keep him comfortable. My goal is asking God for a miracle. Alex is still with us - miracles happen. We've all heard stories of those who were sent home by their doctors to die, only to recover. There is still hope!!

Alex is having a good day today. He was awake at 6:00 a.m. so I sat by him and held his hand. I laid my head on his bed and after a bit he began to stroke my hair with his other hand. Surprised, I looked up at him and said "good morning." He looked at me and said "good morning." My heart jumped as I never know when the day will come when he won't be able to speak at all or won't recognize me. He is already proving the doctors wrong. He is a strong, determined young man - one week - pooh!! Again, I'm holding out for that miracle - he's going to be around a long time!

You may have noticed the addition of dragonfly's to the website. Around the same time Alex was diagnosed, I started "noticing" dragonfly's. My sister had borrowed a dragonfly die cut and returned it, I didn't want to put it away and propped it up on my dresser. I bought a dragonfly pin, I bought a card with dragonfly's on it and I just started noticing them here and there. When Nicole was home last time, we stopped by Riddle's to get her chain fixed and I found a dragonfly necklace I liked and purchased it (normally I leave all jewelry purchases to Norm so it was a big deal for me to buy a piece of jewelry on my own.) Tuesday morning the hospital chaplain here came in to see us. He told me he had something for me, when I held out my hand he put two prayer stones in it. Both stones had a dragonfly painted on it. I commented on the fact I had just recently took on a new interest in dragonfly's. Then he handed me a piece of paper that contained the following story:

THE DRAGONFLY STORY

Down below the surface of a quiet pond lived a little colony of water bugs. They were a happy colony, living far away from the sun. For many months they were very busy, scurrying over the soft mud on the bottom of the pond. They did notice that every once in awhile one of their colony seemed to lose interest in going about. Clinging to the stem of a pond lily, it gradually moved out of sight and was seen no more. "Look!" said one of the water bugs to another. "one of our colony is climbing up the lily stalk. Where do you think she is going?" Up, up, up it slowly went...even as they watched, the water bug disappeared from sight. Its friends waited and waited but it didn't return......

"That's funny!" said one water bug to another. "Wasn't she happy here?" asked a second..."Where do you suppose she went?" wondered a third. No one had an answer. They were greatly puzzled. Finally one of the water bugs, a leader in the colony, gathered its friends together. "I have an idea." "The next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk must promise to come back and tell us where he or she went and why." "We promise," they said solemnly.

One spring day, not long after, the very water bug who had suggested the plan found himself climbing up the lily stalk. Up, up, up, he went. Before he knew what was happening, he had broke through the surface of the water and fallen onto the broad, green lily pad above. When he awoke, he looked about with surprise. He couldn't believe what he saw. A startling change had come to his old body. His movement revealed four silver wings and a long tail. Even as he struggled, he felt an impulse to move his wings...The warmth of the sun soon dried the moisture from the new body. He moved his wings again and suddenly found himself up above the water. He have become a dragonfly!! Swooping and dipping in great curves, he flew through the air. He felt exhilarated in the new atmosphere. By and by the new dragonfly lighted happily on a lily pad to rest. Then it was that he chanced to look below to the bottom of the pond. Why, he was right about his old friends, the water bugs!! There they were scurrying around, just as he had been doing some time before.

They dragonfly remembered the promise: "the next one of us who climbs up the lily stalk will come back and tell where he or she went and why." Without thinking, the dragonfly darted down. Suddenly he hit the surface of the water and bounced away. Now that he was a dragonfly, he could no longer go into the water..."I can't return!" he said in dismay. "At least I tried. But I can't keep my promise. Even if I could go back, not one of the water bugs would know me in my new body. I guess I'll just have to wait until they become dragonflies too. Then they'll understand what has happened to me and where I went."

And the dragonfly winged off happily into its wonderful new world of sun and air....

Thank you God, for the story of water bugs and dragonflies. Please remember our beloved Alex, who is leaving the pond we live in.. and remember those of us he will be leaving behind in body, though never in spirit.

GOD BLESS AND BELIEVE. PRAY FOR A MIRACLE!

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Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

Kelly asked that I put in a quick little message on Alex's condition.
   
Alex is stable, breathing on his own, he is awake and alert, eating food with help.  Alex will still give the thumbs up when you talk to him and ask questions.  But they're not sure how much he understands.

Kelly will be journaling sometime today or tonight, and once she gets that to me, I will post it on the website.

I received a call from Kelly and Norm's church.  There will be a Public Prayer Vigil for Alex on Maundy Thursday (4/13) from 8:30 - 11:00 p.m. at the Celebration Methodist Church in Brandon.  [Click Here for directions]  The doors will remain open the entire time.   There will also be a basket placed in the church if you would like to leave a message for Alex and his family.

Also, if you would like to send Alex a card,  you can send it to:
Alex Bindert
PO Box 783
Brandon, SD  57005

Keep Praying Everyone!   Alex and his family needs our prayers more than ever!!!!!

Gods Blessings~
Michele

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Monday, April 10th........

This is Michele, I just wanted to let everyone know that Alex is home :)  They did not arrive to Sioux Falls until around 9ish pm.  (not sure the exact time).  He is at Sioux Valley Hospital.
Lisa N and I decided that we needed to be with our dear friend Kelly tonight, so we decided to take a trip together to SVH.   It felt so good to hold Kelly and to know they are finally home!

Kelly apologizes that she was not able to journal tonight.  There is not much to update and Kelly will be able to journal tomorrow when they know more.  As of tonight they are still uncertain what the next step is for Alex.  Dr. Keppen will be in, in the morning to consult with them.  Once Kelly is able to journal, I will make sure that it gets posted immediately!!!!!

Alex is a fighter!   Please continue to pray that God sends a miracle!

And as Kelly would say at the end of each journal:

God bless all of you. Keep praying and believing!!  MIRACLES DO COME TRUE!!!!!

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Monday, April 10th, 2006 ...... 11:23am

This is Michele posting an update from Norm.
I just received a call from Norm.  Alex's condition has worsen since yesterday.  He is not able to walk as far and not talking at all today.   They will be flying  Life Light back to SD w/in a couple of hours.

Please I encourage you all to put your battle gear on and pray for the Drakes and the Binderts fight this horrible, and cruel disease that is affecting their son.  We need to pray that God will guide them home safely and when they get home, help find peace and hope for Alex.  I also ask that you reflect on your own personal relationship with Jesus.  He wants more than anything to know each of us! 

I put a special song on Alex's family photo gallery - this song was written for a boy that had leukemia.  Now that boy is cancer free and living a wonderful life.  Miracles DO Happen!!!  Please listen to the incredible words that Marks Schultz sings.  

Gods Blessings,
Michele

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SUNDAY, APRIL 9, 2006

My niece, Gretchen, drove down from Roanoke to spend part of the day with us. Alex recognized her and said her name when she walked into the room. Yesterday, I had asked about having communion while Alex was still able. A hospital Chaplin came to the room today and we had a small service. I was glad Gretchen was able to be with us. Although Alex doesn't talk much these days, he did recite the entire Lord's prayer with us.

Dr. Reardon came to the room and explained the situation and options to Alex this morning. He told him we could do nothing, or he could continue to fight (we would try another chemo.) Alex is not ready to give up. He wants to keep fighting!! When Alex first got sick, we made a deal with one another to never, ever give up - no matter what. I hope he's not doing this just for me. I know him better than that - he wants to live! We will consult with Dr. Keppen upon arriving in Sioux Falls. At this time, we really don't know where we are taking Alex. Hospice doesn't allow chemo and our current living arrangements make it difficult to take care of Alex there. This makes me sad, it's really hard not having a home. I worry about where family and friends can gather. This has bothered me a lot. I know I need to turn this over to the Lord, he will take care of it.

We believe we are still on track to fly out at noon tomorrow. Duke is working on getting Alex's insurance to pay for the flight but we won't find out if it's approved until early tomorrow morning. At this point, we still aren't sure if both of us are going to be allowed to fly with him. If not, I will go with him and Norm will fly back commercially. I promised Alex I would not leave his side - I left the room today for the first time - but only for about 10 minutes. He does keep a close eye on me. It's ok, I don't want to leave him.

I know many of you will want to see him this week. I encourage you to come (when we know where). However, depending on the numbers, I will need to limit visitation time. Alex may or may not know you or even be awake. And please don't be offended if I don't talk much. My main concern right now is Alex and my family. Although I didn't want to make this trip to Duke, it has given Norm and I some precious time to spend with Alex alone.

I'm still holding out for a miracle. I've heard of countless stories where doctor's have sent cancer patients home to die and they have proved them wrong. Please continue to keep Alex in your prayers.

(April 9th was my due date for Alex and if memory serves me right, tomorrow (April 10) is the date Alex was baptized.) Norm's brother, David, sent this e-mail to Alex today. I hope David doesn't mind that I've included it in my journaling, but it meant so much to us that I wanted to share it. Thank you, David!

David wrote: The final road to my Boston marathon starts today. I could not have ever imagined a day when a short fat kid from South Dakota would have qualified for and be running the Boston marathon. As difficult as this road has been, certainly nothing can compare to the road you have traveled and the final preparations you are going through. So many questions, so many unanswered questions. You have taught your family and friends about the importance of time; of friendship; of laughter and tears. The joy that you bring to others is most remarkable. That inner strength you have found will guide you on this journey and over time; others will take comfort in that strength and learn from all you have learned in such a short time. My Boston singlet will be part of "Team Alex" and when you get it, think of this final sprint to the finish line. You probably don't know how much you have taught each of us and the insights you have shared. Thank you for sharing and being a part of all of us.

As always, I ask for your prayers. Prayers for safe travels and MIRACLES! BELIEVE - DREAMS AND MIRACLES DO COME TRUE.

Alex is my miracle. My miracle baby boy. I boldly ask God for a miracle - healing of my baby! 23 years is too short.

GOD BLESS

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SATURDAY, APRIL 8, 2006

I type this entry with a heavy heart. I grasp for answers that don't seem to come. God is calling my beautiful child home. I never dreamed this journey would be so short. I had plans, dreams of what was yet to come. God's plans are different than mine. I struggle to understand yet I find comfort in God's word.

Duke is helping with arrangements to air ambulance Alex home to Sioux Falls on Monday. The weekend is making it difficult. Once home, Alex will enter hospice immediately (at this point I'm not sure which one - I will journal when I know more.) The doctors are giving him a week or so. I hope he proves them wrong. He slips a little further away everyday but he still knows me and tells me he loves me. I have not left his side, nor will I when we arrive home. I was there for the beginning of his life and will be there for the end. At this time, we have not told Alex. The doctors are planning on telling him the prognosis tomorrow. Because he doesn't verbalize much, we don't know exactly how much he will understand. I believe he understands a lot yet. Today, I did tell him the tumor had grown a great deal, I told him we will never give up hope and to keep fighting, but if Jesus calls him home, to not be afraid - Alex held me in his arms while I cried. It's been hard to keep the tears from him, I have a feeling he knows.

He is still with us, therefore, a miracle can still happen. Never give up hope. Please keep Alex in your prayers as we make our way home.

God bless all of you. Keep praying and believing!!

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FRIDAY, APRIL 7, 2006

This has been a very difficult day. Aside from the waiting, when we did get news - it wasn't good. The shunt is working properly, however, that means it's the tumor. The tumor has grown a great deal. It's the tumor that has been causing all of Alex's current problems. Duke is determining the next step to take before sending us home. An oral chemo and keeping Alex as comfortable as possible was the last thing I recall the doctor saying. Norm and I are discussing our next course of action. Probably staying with our plan to take him to Mayo. I also had thought about Cancer Treatment Centers of America. It's difficult to think right now. Alex is scared. I'm scared. But I will never, ever, ever quit trying or give up hope. Although I may not understand God's plan for Alex, I take comfort in knowing he is a child of God. He knows God and has accepted Jesus as his Lord and Savior. He's only 23 years old - he has a lot more living to do!! So please, please keep praying. Alex's story will be a miracle story he can share with others!! Please send your positive thoughts Alex's way.

Norm has been my pillar of strength - I thank God he is here with us now. I will continue to journal to let everyone know when we are returning home and what we decide to do. Please forgive me if I don't answer my cell phone right now - it's difficult to talk plus I want to spend every minute with my son.

Pray and believe in miracles!! God is with us!!

BELIEVE!

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THURSDAY, APRIL 6, 2006

We're at Duke. Alex saw the doctor this morning. Immediately after his appointment, they admitted him to the hospital here at Duke. They think his shunt may not be working. The MRI showed something in the ventricles - it could be fluid buildup from the shunt not functioning properly or it could be more tumor. Alex had tests done this afternoon to check on the shunt and we are still waiting for the results. (It's after 11:00 p.m. here!) If it is the shunt, he will need to have surgery to either repair it or replace it. If it's not the shunt, we will need to determine our next course of action. So basically, we don't know anything yet!!

Obviously, we won't be returning home tomorrow. I will update Michele as soon as I have more information. In the meantime, please keep Alex in your prayers!!

GOD BLESS and BELIEVE!!

 

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TUESDAY, APRIL 4, 2006

Today was a crazy hectic day. Between Alex's appointments and mine, we were on the go from 8:00 a.m to 6:30 p.m. I'm exhausted and still have to pack. Yes, we are going to Duke tomorrow. Norm is coming with us - bless his heart!! However, our flight leaves at 6:00 a.m. - yikes!! I'm still skeptical about going, but it probably is the best thing to do. It's hard doctoring from a distance, but Norm feels Duke still offers the best options with the most cutting edge technology. That doesn't mean we aren't going to Mayo, we'll evaluate when we return.

Alex had a little better day today. Not great, but a slight bit better. He had a swallow study this morning and did ok. Although still having difficulty with it, we are able to get enough liquids down him to keep him from getting dehydrated. This afternoon, he had another MRI. Duke was able to convince the insurance company to pay for it.

In my last entry, I stated I observed that I thought Alex had similar symptoms after his surgery. Because of the pressure on the brain (from the cerebral fluid not draining), they had to go back in a few days later to place the shunt. I thought he may have brain swelling and when I relayed my feelings to the nurse at Duke, she agreed. (When will I learn to listen to my gut, I should have said something sooner!!) Anyway, last night we started the Decadron again (the wonderful steroid drug I love so much! - However, if it works - I do love it!) Today, we really upped the dose and that's when we noticed the improvement. So I'm really hoping we will continue to see more improvement. Duke said we should be able to tell more after 72 hours. We'll be at Duke then, so if we don't notice any more improvement, at least we'll be there.

We didn't get word on the results of Brianna's MRI. Hopefully, no news is good news. I'll call in the morning, probably from Chicago!!

Since Norm is coming along, we'll have a laptop with us so I'll be able to update the website daily. Our plans are to return on Friday, but I'm not going to hold my breath!!

Keep praying, I know God is with us!! Have faith and believe!! TRUST IN THE LORD!

"He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. He will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust" (Psalm 91:1).

 

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MONDAY, APRIL 3, 2006

Alex and Norm made it home from the ranch this evening. Alex isn't doing well. At this point, we're not sure if he will be able to make the trip to Duke and even if he can, I'm not sure I want him to go. He's having trouble swallowing liquids and my fear is he will become dehydrated and they will want to hospitalize him. I really don't want him in the hospital at Duke but would much rather have him here in Sioux Falls or at Mayo in Rochester. Norm and I haven't had much of an opportunity to discuss this as it's been a busy evening but we will need to make a decision asap.

Some of Alex's symptoms are loss of balance, memory loss (both short and long term), not swallowing liquids (he'll swallow whole foods), nervous ticks, plus a few other things. My thought is he may have some brain swelling. That wouldn't show up on an MRI. A lot of what I'm seeing (although more extreme now) reminds me of how he was immediately after his brain surgery. My hope is that they can reduce the swelling and many of the symptoms will go away. Please pray hard that this is the case.

I will hopefully know more tomorrow and will post it as soon as I do. Right now, I'm going to go spend some time with Alex and Norm. I know all of you are continuing to pray and I thank you. God is in control.

PRAY HARD!!

BELIEVE!! Miracles do come true!!

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SUNDAY, APRIL 2, 2006 (HAPPY BIRTHDAY, VICKY!!)

Norm and Alex are still at the ranch. Norm said there was no change - I guess that's good as I don't want him to get any worse. They didn't come home today because I've been sick all weekend and we don't want to risk Alex getting sick. It's good Norm decided to take Alex along. I felt it coming on Friday evening. I hope I'm better by Wednesday as that's the day Alex and I are flying out to Duke. Honestly, I'm a little nervous about taking him by myself, so after a little pleading on my behalf, Norm is going to check into airline tickets tomorrow for himself to come along. That would make me feel so much better.

Norm thinks we should get another MRI, so tomorrow I will call to get it scheduled for Monday or Tuesday. We will have to pay for it ourselves. Not that that is any big deal, I would give every last cent I have to see Alex healed. Brianna's MRI on her knee is scheduled for tomorrow. Two MRI's in one week, we're going to own that machine!!

Even though I was feeling pretty rotten today, Bri and I went to church. Two weeks ago in church, we witnessed the baptism of three young boys a family from our church are adopting. Today, as I was walking out of church, the oldest boy, Brandon (approx 8 yrs old), looked at me and said "Hi, Kelly." Then he asked if he could give me a hug and before I could answer he had wrapped his little arms around my waist and squeezed. Brandon was a young man I had met at the Children's Home Society where I was a Big Buddy for a year and a half (I quit when Alex got sick. God found a family for my Little Buddy at the same time and he was adopted - so I didn't have to leave him high and dry.) I would see Brandon every week when I went to see my Little Buddy. I can't tell you the joy I felt when I realized who he was. I told his adoptive mother I knew him and blessed her for adopting him. The innocence of a child - he made my day! (Children's Home Society provides a home, school, and therapy for children, primarily ages 4-13, with emotional and behavioral problems. It is a residential facility for children who mostly have been removed from their homes by the courts. The first time I walked into the place, I wanted to take them all home. Although each is there for a reason, I know all they really want is to be loved.)

Brandon made a difference in my life today as many of you have through this journey. Touching my heart when I needed it most. It only confirms that God is truly walking beside all of us during this very difficult time. I can't thank you enough. Please keep praying and believing.

GOD BLESS!

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